Weary Wanderer

I stand at the bottom of the stairs and look up at steps that go on forever. Some are shallow, others are close together and some are so steep. All of them take me on a journey. I’m so weary and even though I try to psych myself up to take that first step, nothing happens. My feet stay rooted in the same spot and I struggle to move forward even an inch. My eyes water and my chest hurts as I strain to move, to continue on. I take a deep breath, close my eyes and visualize moving forward and reaching one step followed by the next. I see it in my mind’s eye so clearly. Triumph spills down my throat because I’ve taken that first difficult step. My eyes snap open and I’ve only got the tips of my toes on that first step. Fatigue swamps me and I scoff myself because obviously I’m not good or strong enough to go anywhere. I hear voices telling me that I’ve got to try again, and again, and again, and again, and again. So dazed I sway and try one more time because maybe the voices got it right this time. 

©Esther Valencia

Ladies Night

I stand alone as people run one way and slither another.
All dolled up, brimming with confidence.
Tottering in 6″ stilettos sharp enough to slice away
at my confidence and sense of worth.
Some are stunning and others have acquired just
enough shine to glitter in a room full of gems.
The evening has just begun and the girl in the cherry red heels is hobbling.
Her cousin with the blond Afro is leaning on the wall
taking weight off her nude platform thigh high boots.
The bouncer across from me smiles and waves at the
petite cognac hued beauty with weave down to her cute bubble butt.

So many women and I feel alone, adrift, not enough.
I hope my “friends” arrive soon because my spirit light is dimming.
I want to feel special
and important
and beautiful
and worthy
but right now those are just words on a page.
They aren’t me or at least not the me I see.

Glad I wore flats and my loose t-shirt dress.
Even if I’m not the belle of this ball I’m comfortable.
That’s a lie.
I’m far from comfortable.

©Esther Moreira

Negrita

I walk past a mirror and hope I’m not too “black”.
I walk out the door and hope I make it back home.
I walk past some cops and hope nothing I do “scares” them.
I walk into a store and hope the owner doesn’t accuse me of theft.
I walk past a nice house and hope the owners don’t assume I’m suspicious.
I walk out of my house each day knowing it could be my last.

 

©Esther Moreira

A Few Things I Need

Devour – my favorite foods like, 

bacon cheeseburgers and shrimp fried rice, 

almond milk lattes and pb&j cookies, 

avocados and plantains with cheese.

Implore – my friends to hang out with me and go dancing,

my coworkers to not be so needy or two faced, 

my dates to like me and want to see me again.

Adore – my family and all their quirks,

my sister from another mother,

the music that makes me feel,

the city that gave me the strength to be myself with my big thighs, belly and grace.

© Esther Moreira

For #MayBookPrompts – May 12

Living Anew

On his deathbed,

Nicholas Eric Covert the Third

Sees a life not lived,

Rigid and confined to a path

Not of his choosing.

Every choice decided

By what is best,

For the family legacy,

For the empire built,

For the future of his people,

But never for him.

In this life precious 

Little is about the man.

On each slow exhale 

Nicholas Eric Covert the Third,

Dreams of living his life anew,

For himself.

© Esther Moreira

For #MayBookPrompts

The Rides

Looking at the carnival rides 

bathed in a darkness that

light cannot shatter I am

aware of the fear that hides

beneath my breastbone.


Looking at the carnival rides 

with their rigid animal seats

in unnatural positions I see

the paths I have lost

because of my cowardice.


Looking at the carnival rides 

worn down and in need of repair

with no end in sight I realize

that to keep the flicker of hope alive I will 

need love and faith and joy.


© Esther Moreira

for #MayBookPrompts

Another Shot

Since no one arrives
with their best by
date stamped on the
bottom of their right
foot the end might
be closer than anyone
thinks. If your eyes
opened this morning it
is your lucky day.
You get another shot
at your desired life.

If your last morning
was yesterday then you
aren’t reading this
anyway.

© Esther Moreira


for #MayBookPrompts